Belonging

For over a year I've had a hard time feeling like I belonged at church.  Having left a job and thereby left a congregation that I had not only worked for but grown up in, this past year I've felt adrift.  Yes, New Church has been welcoming, to a point, but I have never felt completely one of the crowd.

There was a time when I moved to college and went to church at a couple of different places.  One place was too small, people really knew if you were there or weren't there.  Another place was too big.  I got too lost in that congregation.  Another place I had made friends but it just wasn't the right place and so for a time I didn't go to church.  It was good.  Someone once argued that I had walked away from God during that time when really, what I had done was walk away from church where I couldn't find a place to belong.

Finding a place to belong is huge, especially when it comes to church.  Finding a place where I feel accepted and welcomed, where the music is to my liking, where the preaching inspires and challenges me, where there is more hope than despair, the list could go on and on.  I don't want to just go to a church, I want to belong.

The other day I was talking with someone who recently looked around their church and realized there was no one like them.  There weren't people within their age range.  Their spouse was the one who had first nudged them and said "look around" and the more they looked, the more they realized, they didn't belong there anymore.  This person related that as they walked around the halls of the church they kept hearing "You don't belong here."  Oh how I could relate.

The truth is, I heard that voice too, for a year or two before I actually listened to the voice and left.  It was a tough time.  I kept looking around at the people I loved, knowing I didn't belong there anymore but just not wanting to leave the place where I had once belonged.  Staying because it's comfortable and you don't want to have to go anywhere different does not equal belonging, in case you were wondering.  There were many moments when I looked, knowing I didn't belong anymore and still unable to leave the safety net of the church.

Which brings me back to now.  Belonging in the church isn't just a matter of being known.  For me belonging means I have a part in the church, that I can speak up and voice my opinion and still be respected and loved.  For me, belonging means I missed when I'm not there, encouraged, supported and challenged when I am there and most of all it means that I am a part of the body of believers, not just a bystander.